Hey Anabel - it's an epic - but I do have a few issues for your contemplation: the reveal that 'a human is using a giant cement mixer to pour salt into the earth etc' requires a couple of things from its audience: a) that we don't think it's completely odd that a cement mixer appears suddenly in a story that has otherwise been in the genre of 'high fantasy' - what with its demons and icy chasms and b) that we know, somehow, who this human is and c) that we understand that it's salt in the cement mixer and that it can somehow melt the earth... Personally, I think the term mountaineer has dominated your ideation here - when I wonder if dealing with the cement mixer might be a more fruitful exercise...
Some ideas off the cuff: when I think of cement mixers, I think of building sites, and when I think of building sites I think of really tall buildings, and when I think of really tall buildings, I think of the builders...
and when I think of how the builders might get up there, I'm thinking of 'mountaineers'...
Meanwhile, if you decided that Hell was like an over-populated destination (what with people arriving there all the time) you might logically conclude that it was the sort of place in which building work was always underway somewhere - to accommodate everyone:
For me, there's something 'important' about dealing with the cement mixer more proactively - and extrapolating more of your world from it. The important thing too is not to get to hung up on 'hell' as being a one-note image of fire and brimstone; if you think of it as being a place like any other (like a city) then you can have lots of fun in terms of possible scenarios. I think too the idea of treating 'Hell' seriously in this instance is probably a limitation - there's something about your combination words that just seems to associate with something more 'Loony Tunes' than 'Final Fantasy' or whatever.
The principle issue in your current story is that your audience is just not going to 'get it' - and you won't have time in 2 minutes to 'teach' them everything they need to know. The cement mixer feels like an 'add on' as opposed to truly integrated - and personally, I'd be looking to soften out the mountaineer character as someone who ends up 'mountaineering' as part of the action of the story, as opposed to them 'being' a mountaineer.
I do have a converse suggestion however - if I was thinking what 'hell' would mean for a mountaineer, it would be living in the confines of some suburban, flat, boxed in world - after all, the mountaineer craves peaks and to be high in the sky. Maybe your story is about a mountaineer who can no longer climb due to an injury - and he's in this 'old people's home hell' of inactivity and no adrenalin - maybe we see him hire a cement-mixer (we don't know why) but by the end of the film, we find out he's built his own cement mountain - we see him happy at the top of it? In this way, the concept of 'Hell' is derived from thinking about your mountaineer character's inner life - and what would make him feel most trapped and miserable.
The above ideas just express the principle of deriving ideas 'out of' the elements, as opposed to pinning more generic (and often too complex) ideas onto them instead. What do you think? Does the principle and the examples given here make sense?
I find a lot of your criticism at well pointed out thing, and I really appreciate it a lot.
I have been having a lot of trouble with the idea of a cement mixer in this world I've been trying to create, and frankly couldn't see a way. I thought I could simply dress it up as a villainous object and it would somehow find it's way, but I now see that it requires a bit more delicate thought into its introduction into my story.
Besides that I am pretty set on what kind of story I would like to create, I just don't want to have it turn into an 'epic', as you said. With my approach having something like that just wouldn't run smoothly, and would require plenty of extra thought for consistency. My reckoning is that if I limit my design to focus on a few vital singular areas, and cut the fat where possible, I would have a far more appealing piece that stands well on its own. To that end, a cutesy style would work well.
I'll update my blog soon for that sake of some revision, and I'll see where that takes me.
OGR 25/01/17
ReplyDeleteHey Anabel - it's an epic - but I do have a few issues for your contemplation: the reveal that 'a human is using a giant cement mixer to pour salt into the earth etc' requires a couple of things from its audience: a) that we don't think it's completely odd that a cement mixer appears suddenly in a story that has otherwise been in the genre of 'high fantasy' - what with its demons and icy chasms and b) that we know, somehow, who this human is and c) that we understand that it's salt in the cement mixer and that it can somehow melt the earth... Personally, I think the term mountaineer has dominated your ideation here - when I wonder if dealing with the cement mixer might be a more fruitful exercise...
Some ideas off the cuff: when I think of cement mixers, I think of building sites, and when I think of building sites I think of really tall buildings, and when I think of really tall buildings, I think of the builders...
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/13/Lunch-atop-a-skyscraper-c1932.jpg
and when I think of how the builders might get up there, I'm thinking of 'mountaineers'...
Meanwhile, if you decided that Hell was like an over-populated destination (what with people arriving there all the time) you might logically conclude that it was the sort of place in which building work was always underway somewhere - to accommodate everyone:
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--opcyaZwk--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/1355046751620859824.jpg
http://www.peri.com.pe/shared/references/img/peri_010210_filadelfieprag_03_lg.jpg
I'm suddenly reminded of this great Tom & Jerry cartoon - Tot Watchers - that has a memorable scene involving a baby and a construction-site:
http://www.supercartoons.net/cartoon/410/tom-jerry-tot-watchers.html
For me, there's something 'important' about dealing with the cement mixer more proactively - and extrapolating more of your world from it. The important thing too is not to get to hung up on 'hell' as being a one-note image of fire and brimstone; if you think of it as being a place like any other (like a city) then you can have lots of fun in terms of possible scenarios. I think too the idea of treating 'Hell' seriously in this instance is probably a limitation - there's something about your combination words that just seems to associate with something more 'Loony Tunes' than 'Final Fantasy' or whatever.
The principle issue in your current story is that your audience is just not going to 'get it' - and you won't have time in 2 minutes to 'teach' them everything they need to know. The cement mixer feels like an 'add on' as opposed to truly integrated - and personally, I'd be looking to soften out the mountaineer character as someone who ends up 'mountaineering' as part of the action of the story, as opposed to them 'being' a mountaineer.
I do have a converse suggestion however - if I was thinking what 'hell' would mean for a mountaineer, it would be living in the confines of some suburban, flat, boxed in world - after all, the mountaineer craves peaks and to be high in the sky. Maybe your story is about a mountaineer who can no longer climb due to an injury - and he's in this 'old people's home hell' of inactivity and no adrenalin - maybe we see him hire a cement-mixer (we don't know why) but by the end of the film, we find out he's built his own cement mountain - we see him happy at the top of it? In this way, the concept of 'Hell' is derived from thinking about your mountaineer character's inner life - and what would make him feel most trapped and miserable.
The above ideas just express the principle of deriving ideas 'out of' the elements, as opposed to pinning more generic (and often too complex) ideas onto them instead. What do you think? Does the principle and the examples given here make sense?
Hi Phil,
DeleteI find a lot of your criticism at well pointed out thing, and I really appreciate it a lot.
I have been having a lot of trouble with the idea of a cement mixer in this world I've been trying to create, and frankly couldn't see a way. I thought I could simply dress it up as a villainous object and it would somehow find it's way, but I now see that it requires a bit more delicate thought into its introduction into my story.
Besides that I am pretty set on what kind of story I would like to create, I just don't want to have it turn into an 'epic', as you said. With my approach having something like that just wouldn't run smoothly, and would require plenty of extra thought for consistency. My reckoning is that if I limit my design to focus on a few vital singular areas, and cut the fat where possible, I would have a far more appealing piece that stands well on its own. To that end, a cutesy style would work well.
I'll update my blog soon for that sake of some revision, and I'll see where that takes me.